Have a Seat

I got a new toilet seat. It’s nothing special (boring white, sturdy plastic), but that’s what’s so great about it. See, my last toilet seat was a little too exciting for me.

Let me just say for the record that I am an adventurous person. I surf the net without virus protection, I eat spinach, I go to bars with other members of The Waitstaff. I live life on the edge. But my old toilet seat was a little too edgy for me.

It was a plushy toilet seat with a wood grain, vinyl cover. My understanding is that the person who lived in my apartment before the person who lived in my apartment before me bought it at the dollar store. It had a hard time staying screwed to the bowl and often it would shoot out from under me as I sat there… contemplating things.

I used to think unusual and spontaneous were admirable qualities, but now I’m beginning to find the beauty in stability and predictability. Am I growing boring or am I growing up?

I think the latter.

Also, I think I spend too much time thinking about toilet seats.

- CPW

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