Thursday, October 19, 2006

Paging Mr. Butczjek

So I'm responding to my own recent posting about Hemawipes as this story ain't dead yet.

As you recall, bunkies, there is now a hemawipe shortage. My managers are yelling up and down about scrounging 'just a few more' of the loveable little poop-swoopers. Now Waldo(not his real name) , a guy in my office, decided to crack wise and tell Clyde ( it's his real name, but he won't admit to it) , our CFO, that he's looking into a company called Butchek that still may have some. Clyde thanked Waldo and then proceeded to drive himself crazy looking all over the Net for Butchek Industries, of course to no avail. Then Waldo, sitting at his desk, calls the outside number of our company, and gets the receptionist, who sits within earshot of me and had her speakerphone on:

"Hello, So-and So Services.''

'Yes, can I speak to Clyde, please?'

"Who's calling?"

'This is Allen, from Butchek Industries.'

The receptionist, being no dummy, hung up on Waldo.

But now it's gone too far. I made a record in our ACT customer relationship management (CRM) software for Butchek Industries in Split Cheek, MO, located at 1400 Butchek Boulevard. We've named the founder Wladislov Butczjek, a Slavic immigrant who revolutionized the ass-wipe industry. Now the company is so sccessful they have to diversify.

So here's where I ask for your help.

Let's say you were a stool screening mogul (and I'm guessing some of you must be), and you had a need to diversify your, uh, holdings. Where would you invest? I'd like to see some of the non-waitstaffers who follow this blog, and you both know who you are, respond with your suggestions.

What do you think?

- Steve Lippe

aka The Notorious L.I.P., aka Biggie Size


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